you’ll be drinking champagne and celebrating another year. or at least i hope it will be a celebration. circumstances have reminded me that nothing is perfect for anyone. that no one can have it all. we will chase it forever, we will tear cities apart looking for that the feeling we remember from eons ago. at times we will be those doing the tearing apart, and at times we will be torn apart. and that is the balance of all of this. the balance of selfish adventure, of short sighted searches. these dreams are a side effect of an accidental trial, a self imposed tribulation. careful self reflection taught me that the train could have derailed at any moment, that there was a bare thread that all of this clings to. i am ok with assurance. i am ok with familiarity. i guess i never had a problem with it. but i can better embrace it now. i know that the things i am pushing away now have been things that were once in between.
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when we leave we rarely take maps. even less often do we take time to give direction. and when we arrive the welcome party never seems as joyous as it once did. and if we fail to show the search party always seems to take longer than we would hope. but sometimes the maps are wrong, the directions are not ours to give, the parties are for all the wrong reasons, and the search parties are as lost as we are.
these are the times to strike out on our own. these are the times to forget the lost and the broken that refuse our hands. to let go of the poorly drawn maps. to pray that we will be forgiven for mislabeling directions, and recalling distant lands instead of recognizing these familiar places. we are but broken boys and girls, not a one of us better than the next or the last or the first. sons and daughters of adam and eve, respectively and otherwise. it makes no difference what made the product, we have been recalled. some of us are searching for home, some are on their way there, and some cannot see the mess that we have all made.
